Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize