your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize