You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
