you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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