it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
