His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
