Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
