I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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