do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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