i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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