But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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