just tell him i said nine months
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
