I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
why do cheetos always look like penises
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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