I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
