I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
