Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
