She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
