I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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