Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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