if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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