my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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