All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am available for nakedness
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize