yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
