maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
