You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
