i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
