I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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