remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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