Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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