People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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