You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
