textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
