So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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