Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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