I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize