we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
