I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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