I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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