I look better un-naked...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
