I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
