Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize