fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize