Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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