my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
