Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
