I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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