so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
