You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my shit smells like andre
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
