I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
