Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
someone owes me an orgasm
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
