I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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