dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
