The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Never underestimate the power of titties
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
