ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Let's paint friendship bongs
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want to make out with him forever
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
