Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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