I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
