Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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