Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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