So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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