You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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