he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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