i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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