sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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