I can text with my tongue
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize