He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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