I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
