i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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