Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
