I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
