I think I died a long time ago.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
